My legs were very weak and i felt giddy when I stood up. I couldn't fight to go to work and I knew part of it is due to my moods.
I distracted myself with the internet for the last 3 hours and even though I felt sleepy after taking the painkillers and stemetil and prednisolone and flu tablets, I couldn't sleep. Like my mind is suddenly on alert and my body is in the land of the weak and depressed.
I'm actually happy at home. I hate going out to work and pretend to be proactive and interested for 9 hours, and yes.. to socialized. Arragh. It's tough. I'm bored at work but I didn't ask for too much to do because I'm scared I couldn't cope with the stress, but I'm stressed when people kept saying "this is no problem for you, you have done it before" because I can't really remember much of what I do! Then there is the "don't try too hard, otherwise people may gossip that you are trying to outshine them" thoughts.
I have been keeping to the "Please ignore me, I'm new" thoughts. My mind is fogged and not alert and I'm afraid of looking stupid.
I'm also afraid that people will talk about me since I'm sick after 3 weeks at work and I'm nervous and worried. I feel nervous about going to work and I have to pretend again.