Threatened

I'm in a agitated and depressed mood. I feel lousy because I was "threatened" to have a flu vaccination as I work in a healthcare setting. Due to the H1N1 outbreak around the world, my hospital is encouraging all healthcare workers  to be vaccinated.

So far there's no case here, but we are in Orange alert. This means temperature taking, masks and declaration of travel history in all government buildings and hospitals.

I was told that if we were to refuse vaccination, we would not be covered medically if we contract flu. That is pure rubbish. I do not want to to be injected because I cannot be sick, I have had vaccination before and I had fever and aches. I can't be sick, I would crash and my mood would be affected. I need to protect myself. I have also read that Vaxigrip may affect the nerves and I recently had a seizure scare and though my MRI was cleared, my tingling sensation still persist on and off. 

My mood is dropping today, I was just so agitated, frustrated and I want to cry. I'm getting tired again and to cheer myself, I went to Cold Storage for a walk and bought yogurt and milk. I feel so lonely and helpless and being threatened just made me want to lash out.

N, my colleague agrees that it is not fair and having someone on my side helps. I will have to see how it goes tomorrow. Not only that, I was volunteered to administer the vaccination injection. It's not my job scope and though I am a nurse by training, I haven't given any injection for a year  and I'm scared. I have no confidence in myself and I really do not want to do it. I brought a needle and syringe home to practise on a sponge, the vaccination is on next Friday just so it won't disrupt work activities and well, if we do get a fever, we can recover over the weekend.

I ma just so upset. I can't seem to let it go.

I want to stay home and not work anymore.