Monday, March 8, 2010

Wandering mind and overwhelmed over work

I can feel my mind going into places it's not suppose to go and I'm scared. I try hard to control it and I'm afraid to fail.

I have been overwhelmed with work. And I'm angry with myself for feeling this way, I pushed myself too hard and too soon. I'm a contract worker and being part time, am paid lesser and requires to click in 25 hrs per week, so it sounds good right? That i can be in control since the boss told me that she's not onto micromanage and leaves the hours to me as long as I fulfill the hours and work given to me. The thing about me is I can't leave without finishing the task and I have staying late and working more hours than I should last week. An additional 4 hrs! I don't want to be petty and calculative but Im worried about people taking me for granted and advantage of me. they gave me alot of work whIch I'm grateful for (my supervisor in the last work plac hates me and was not keen to teach Me or gives my new tasks, complicating politics are hard to comprehend). But Im stressed by their demands becuse I work lesser hours , cos I'm a part timer !

I'm planning to leave on time this week as I will have to work longer hours next week due to training. But i'm stressed because I'm worried that I can't finish my work. I'm stressed and I have to keep talking sense to myself, reasoning and comforting.

I just feel trapped and forced into a corner which is not a good thing for me as the emotions and thoughts that surfaces will trigger my BP and I need to use every ounce of my brain cells to fight it. March is a fearful month for me and I'm trying to eliminate stressors and be aware of my surroundings and people who will affect or trigger something.

Short term goal: to leave at 1 pm to off set my 4 hrs from last week. To shut off when I'm home because I'm officially off work and a part timer do not bring work home. if they need my additional services,they would have to consider paying me OT.

I'm unsettled.

Sent from my iPhone

1 comment:

La-reve said...

Sorry you are feeling overwhelemed know how much work means. I think being strong with yourself will help. Like you say March is bad month, is for me too, change of season and all that and having historically been bad. Time for a bit of TLC and not letting that history repeat itself. Take care. x