A parcel waiting to be collected

I'm feeling angry and depressed.

First thing first, I'm very upset over my friend whom I care about very much. She is in another country now and have been having a bad time, she's also the friend that I was mentioning about whom had depression but had believed that she is cured and unlike me, not on any medications. Anyway, she was down for awhile and we have been emailing and calling each other. I have sent her a couple of encouraging stuffs through mails and last week, in an attempt to cheer her up, I asked my family for a favour to bring something over last Tues. (to save on shipping fees as I'm quite broke) 

It has been a week and she have not collected it. She knows my family and we have spoken over the phone and my family knows that she will come over, but she hasn't. I don't understand. Why can't she go over and collect it? She told me the place is not far from where she lives, she drives and she can pop in over the weekend. I'm just very angry. I feel not appreciated and I find her selfish selfish and more selfish!!!

Ok, I may be over reacting but I'm really depressed and sad. I know when you do something for another person and you did it willingly, you can't expect anything in return. But I feel neglected and I find her selfish. Maybe she doesn't know I'm down since I'm able to be so contained most of the time. I'm always contained, I internalised my feelings and I'm ashamed of showing my weakness.

She on the other hand, always manages to get people eating out of her hands. And I'm not saying she's wrong, since somehow over the oceans, I can sensed something is not right. Bu why won't anyone care for me? Like giving me a card, giving me presents or something??

I think I'm jealous of her. She lives in another country, lives in a big house, drives, has a finance that just brings her and buys her whatever she wants. They are getting married soon. She talks about wanting lots of kids. 

The grass is always greener on the other side.

Or, deep down, I feel jealous because she is not on meds? Not seeing a Dr and somehow things always works out in her favour? Comparison is bad I know... but I feel like a failure. A big fat failure.

I live in small house, I can't drive but I know my hubby loves me in his way and I'm grateful for him in every way. But I want perfection.  And this feeling is eating me and I need some air. I hate how I'm feeling but I need to write this down so badly. That she is selfish. That I am lonely, that I wish I can receive some concern from her. That she could just go pick up the parcel and open it, and appreciate it.