sleep! let me sleep!

I didn't do much the last few days. Went out with friends on Fri, didn't drink a drop of alcohol (because I'm on meds) and it made me so lost and out of place. I'm really getting old at 31.. no mood to play, will drink just to release.

Still so trapped in my body and so empty. Feeling sick right now, could be start of a flu. It's coming to 4am and  I can't sleep. I took some more pills and one that has the sugar coating melted and i still can't get my sleepy vibes.

Im here in the dark with a pillow and I'm so tempted to be out of my body for once. I want to end this misery that eating me alive, especially the last couple of weeks. I need to get well and work and function, not sit in the dark and not sleeping. want to end all this crap!

want to be free and just die.

Im now agitated and very angry. want to smash the walls and hurt myself. Blogger crashed my safari and i still don't feel sleepy. I want to sccccccccccrrrrream!