Thursday, April 1, 2010

my current mood & non-committal people

I hate to whine but I'm still feeling rather depressed and lonely. I keep wanting to cry and I couldn't sleep away the misery. I feel that everyone hates me. I know, it's just a feeling but I just can't  seems to get rid of it no matter how I rationalised it.

I got to know this much younger boy 2 weeks ago during training and he's very nice and all. My friends and I are trying to set him up with some friends. Anyway, we were suppose to meet for coffee today and he was supposed to call to set the time to meet. He msg me earlier say that he has diarrhoea and was going to see a Dr and will msg me timing later. To summarise, he didn't call nor msg and though I was prepared not to meet and all, I really hate it when a firm decision is not made.

I know I can get very fickle and moody and unpredictable but when I want to be alone or not to meet anyone whether I'm sick physically, mentally and what not, I would tell them that "sorry, won't be meeting you because of...." and not leave them hanging. Boys are so immature. What is it with firming up appointments? He's not the first, I knew some guys back then who leaves me hanging. Hey, I'm not a leech, if you are not interested to hang out, I won't cling.

Ok, ok.. I know I'm rambling and the poor boy could be sleeping because he's on meds and whatnot. It's just.. everything that happened the last few days just gets me down. I may be over reacting and sensitive but people doesn't seems to want to spend time with me nor talk to me.. And I am aware I'm depressed therefore rather needy and lonely and sensitive....

It's just after years of therapy, my Dr keeps telling me to get structure in my life and learn to be committed or at least try.. so I get very peeved when I get non-committal response from people around me.

I just feel so depressed and lousy and I can't talk myself out of it.

No comments: