Angel TV and reality demon

I hate myself when I'm like this. I whine. I whine at myself, my life, my incompleteness and incompetence.

I'm still in the crying, feeling sorry for myself mood. I know I can be fake, I can fake my happiness, hide my true self, but I do not go around pushing it into people's face. I know of someone who is not so happy but she rubs her "happiness" into everyone's face, into my face.

She makes every crazy thing like jumping into sea and running into the road spontaneous and carefree and when I do something like that, I'm manic. I feel inferior when I'm with her, because I'm not perfect, not good enough, not pretty enough. It's like on fantasy TV, she's pretty with bipolar but is an angel and people wants to protect her. But in reality, I'm like the one who is "unfortunate enough" to be bipolar and people goes "Tsk Tsk.. such a pity, her poor mother" but despise me and distance from me, and when I do something wrong and different, it's just my character, my incompetence and my lack of self discipline. 

I do not want to compare but I feel wronged by people around me. I feel wronged by myself, like I do not know who I am.

Someone close told me that I'm selfish and I was taken aback, I was hurt and upset and I couldn't let it go. I do admit I'm no saint and I am selfish. Which human isn't? But am I such a horrible person that I can't feel happy for someone? for my friend? I don't know where I'm going with this but I'm not happy. I'm feeling horrible, depressed and hateful. I resent everyone and I resent happiness. Does it truly exist? Is it all an illusion and so fake? why do people believe some but not others? Am I not convincing? I need to shut myself up and I do not know how to stop feel manipulated by her and be controlled by my moods.

I though I  have self control and not be affected by external factors but I'm still affected..

Edit:

I feel inferior to my friend and I feel that I'm not happy enough, that I'm not well enough because I'm still on meds and I'm feeling like this. She is not on meds and her life (or so it seems) have taken a 180 degree turn and she is so spontaneous and carefree to jump into the pool on her wedding and I'm not. And because I'm jealous, I am selfish because I can't be happy for her. But I am jealous. I am jealous that she doesn't need to be on meds and God has cured her but I'm still here going up and down, up and down. I feel somehow abandoned.