I'm feeling sick and mind is woozy with thoughts

I have a lot of things to say but I'm feeling sick and tired and was not in the mood to blog.

Anyway, my head hurts, my eyes hurts & I think I'm running a fever. Not to mention that my eyes are itchy and watery and my nose is runny. Boo hoo =(

To summarise, I went for a job interview last week for a part time contract position. If they want to hire me, will start work next week. I hope to start in Feb though. Will know by Friday latest. (More abt work topic when I'm not so drowsy) I have so much to say, feel, think about my work life.

Hubby bought me a new iPhone for a present and I'm stoked! Happy as a clam! Wanted one since it came out Jan 2009 but it was monopolised by 1 telco and I didn't want to spend money on my phone. Always believed that a cell phone is for texting and calls, now I'm a convert! I have always loved Apple product. Had been using Apple Laptop since 2003! and had a few iPods too. And I had the urge to spend money and buy pretty pretty stuffs!

Went for Dr T consult on Monday. Dr T noticed that I was edgy and happy and a little high. I noticed I was high and deep down I was afraid I may crashed. We spoke about my dreams for this year, how I wanted to get a job, have time to do my job and be with myself and family, looking forward to get a new home this year, because we have been living with my mum for 2.5 years after our wedding and we are actively looking for apartments in this area that are not too expensive. My mummy will move in with us. So getting a house is a financial burden, that's why I need to work. I also spoke abt wanting to further my studies and get a Master degree. He asked my to slow down and was worried that I may be taking on too much at one time. Oh yes, I was also toying to get a second part time job to get an extra income.

I know myself, I tend to take on alot when I'm feeling good, because I know I'm capable and can do it. But I'm also worried that I may crash and when I do, I can't cope or do anything at all, and that affects my self esteem and mental state. He wanted me to observe my mood and to call if I get high beyond control or do stuffs of danger to myself. Asked if hub has made comments or noticed. I do feel good and at the back of my mind, I knew I had to watch myself if I feel low again.

I explained regarding the mixed mood I had, irritated, edgy, unable to concentrate, yet can't slow down my mind and want to do so much in such a little time. Depressed yet high on life and ideas.

So maybe that explains why I'm tired and I'm a little depressed. My mood has dipped and I'm having seconds and third thoughts about working because I'm afraid I couldn't cope and I may just embarrassed myself by being stupid and giving up.

One goal this year is to find a job and work through the year and not give up halfway. Hopefully no breakdown and if do, learn to maneuver around it, cope and still work and perform. Does this sounds unreasonable? I have to learn and start somewhere right?

I'm woozy but can't sleep and I hope my mood will bounce back and I can get some confidence to live on.