Back here again

I have realised that when I'm on the high, I have absolutely no mood to write and I'm so occupied with everything. Now that the joy have fizzled out and I'm backing to staring at spaces and crying every night, I'm filled with despair and disappointment with all things and myself. Why am I back here?

I have gone for job interviews and currently in the midst of negotiation with a company. I may start work in Feb. I was looking forward to working last week, the possibility of earning money, shopping and feeling accomplished! But now, I am filled with dread and stress. Almost to the point of indifference.

I attended a lovely wedding last week and with the upcoming festive season next week (Chinese New Year), I have been distracted.

Gosh, I hate to whine, but I'm getting fatter. I had acquaintance asking if I'm having a baby. How indiscreet. Geez. Just because I'm wearing a loose top.

I'm just tired and am trying to read but I feel so jittery. I have so much in my head but nothing comes out nicely, it's a mess in my head.